A Look Back and a Look Inward

Tomorrow I'll have been home for 3 months already! It's crazy how time flys... Now that my courses are done I'll have time to blog about my trip - I would have blogged more while I was gone but I had a lot of computer trouble.  I'm going to use this as a way to process, because honestly I haven't really allowed myself the time to do so.  Actually, I've been scared to let my guard down long enough to see if/how bad my heart is broken about leaving Uganda and my babies.  I was worried because the first time I went - which was only for a month- I came home broken hearted, crying for months after I got home...my heart physically heart with how much I missed the babies, it felt like I left my own biological children half way around the world. 

So now you see why I was so worried...but when I did manage to lower the walls, my heart wasn't broken as I feared.  Yes, there were fresh scars from when some of the babies that I loved had died but it is intact...and actually larger.  My heart swells with love for my little ones in Uganda and swells with pride when I see how big they've grown and how happy they are.  Don't think I never cried about leaving them though, I cried many a days whenever I would change baby homes and my last couple of weeks were quite hard emotionally.  Thankfully I got some great advice, from one of my second cousins I believe, "never say goodbye, just see you later".  So that's what I did, I went to each one of my babies and toddlers and said "see you in a couple of years, I can't wait to see how big you've grown", or something of the like.  It made it a much happier occasion, almost joyous, though I admit saying goodbye to all the nannies left me in tears. 

I'm realizing now what a blessing it is to have God's heart for the orphans.  Your heart claims them as your own, and though it is devastating when one of your own dies, it is well worth the pain of grief to have all the joy, happiness and love that accompanies it when you love them with abandon.  I was even thinking yesterday that if I were given a chance to relive my life without some of life's pain and disappointments, I wouldn't take it.  Because that would mean I wouldn't have had the opportunity, and privilege, to visit Uganda and love on their orphaned and abandoned.  Going through life's tragedies has made me stronger, making me able to love with abandon even though I know the risk that doing so can lead to pain, but also knowing that it is well worth it.

An Ode to Family

This day started, and nearly finished, as a day of depressing news and near mishaps.  The day started with the news of a 9 month old baby's death at one of the other baby homes.  Now, by itself this news didn't depress me, though it saddened me.  It was this news WITH the rest of my day that nearly did me in. 

There is a small group of prescool/school age children at this baby home who are here during their "transition time", seeing as they are new to Watoto, until they go to the village.  I just found out the stories of a pair of them, a brother and sister. 

The girl is about 6 yrs. old and the boy is around 4 or 5 yrs old.  Well, this little boy is covered, and I mean covered, in scars so I asked one of the nannies where they came from.  He had been beaten since he was 2 years old.  The girl had been beaten too...but you can't see her scars.  Knowing this I watched her more closely, and wondered why I didn't see it earlier.  Everytime male toddler, a baby, grabbed her cloths or touched her - without her say so - she would scream, curl up in a ball and cry.  It makes ME want to cry! 

Now this little boy is usually very quite and doesn't make a fuss unless he needs to use the restroom.  Today around supper time I find him just sitting there crying and when I pick him up he is burning hot; the poor little thing is sick.  He quites right away, cause all he wanted was a cuddle.  I took him to the nurse, where he was given medicine, attempted feeding him his supper, and gave him a bath.  I don't think I would have been any gentler had he been Jesus.  It truly felt like it was too, except instead of bathing a beaten and scarred savior, he was a beaten and scarred child.  His fever was starting to break by the time I put him to bed, so I'm hoping he is feeling better by morning.

Ok, so for the silver lining of the day (though it seemed tiny by the end) was that I was able to make the 7 year old of the group smile - often.  Now the background on him is that he and his younger brother - who is about 5 yrs old - were recently dropped off at a local radio station, then taken to Watoto.  Now the younger brother is happy and care free but the 7 yr. old is very quite, with his thumb in his mouth and a serious look on his face.  So you can see why it is such a big deal that he now smiles - and by smiles I mean grin - at me whenever he sees me; and just because I took him and his brother and two other babies for a 10 minute walk!

As for the near mishaps...well the first one was when one of the babies got her head stuck in the couch.  How you might ask? Well, let me tell you...  Our 'couches' don't have cushions so the backs and sides kind of look like crib bars...now I know you are starting to catch on.  This poor little thing some how fell backwards and got her head stuck between the bars.  So one of the nannies and I rush over and some how wiggle her out, the nanny holding her head while I lifted her body.

The second one was much scarier.  While I was helping on of the babies out of a swing I hear a scream from the next swing and I look over and see MY BABY hanging by one leg swinging through the air!  Thankfully I was able to get to him before he fell, but we all definitely had a good scare.

By the time I got back to the apartment all I was blue as can be and just wanted to hide in my bed and cry, but instead I called home.  I talked to my beloved mother and youngest sister for 45 minutes and I feel 110% better. :)  Oh, how I love my family; there is nothing quite like talking to loved ones when you're feeling blue. :) 

xoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

O the Love of a Child

There is this little boy here, named Kato, who I know from the last time I was here.  He was, and still is, my favorite little boy.  For the whole month I was here last year he was always with me.  He would wiggle/crawl over to me everyday and face plant into my lap with a big grin on his face.  He is still very much a "Momma's boy", and now walking and talking, follows me closely wherever I go when I'm with his group of babies.  And even on my days off I make time to go visit them and give them hugs and kisses.  But I have been feeling under the weather and haven't seen them for 2 whole days.  So this afternoon I heard them outside so I went out on the patio to say hi, without getting them sick.  The nannies called Kato over so that he could see me, and the moment he did he burst into tears.  He cried for 10 minutes straight. :(  My poor boy missses his mama.  I have a feeling he will be stuck to me like glue once I'm working again.  I may have to go see him later tonight; I might even bring him up to our apartment to watch a movie. :)

First Blog Post!

I've been here nearly two weeks now, but it feels like much longer - in a good way.   Uganda feels like a second home to me and it feels like I never left other than the fact that my babies have grown so much. :)  I am fighting a flu but other than that I am wonderful.  Working with the babies is tiring, but, oh, so rewarding and I can't stay away from them - even on my days off.  They all call be mommy ( the ones that can talk) and even the ones who can't, it is obvious by the look on their faces that they love me as much as I love them. 

I am currently at the baby home in Subbi, which is about an hour from central Kampala.  We are in one of the Children's villages surronded by rolling hills of forest and farm land as far as the eye can see.  It's a piece of heaven. 

I tried to post some pictures of the baby home and village but it didn't seem to work, so I'll try again later or just post them on facebook.